Obsessive Compulsive Dreaming Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Dreaming Disorder. Is it a real condition? No. Do I think I have it? Yes. I’m a constant dreamer. Both in the “I go to sleep and dream,” sense and the dreamer of fantasies, desires and beyond. They say your subconsciousness reveals more about you than your consciousness. So, I do ponder my dreams often trying to figure out who I am.

In my dreams of sleep, I often see my family. That makes sense. Not only do I see them every day, but they’re often on my mind and in my heart. TV shows I binge watch will sometimes have plotlines in my dreams. I watch a lot of Netflix before I go to bed. My whole life, I dreamed of one thing – Love.

I know sounds cheesy AF (as f*ck) as the kids today would say. Sounds like I belong in a Disney movie. My desire for love isn’t strange. However, the person my heart’s after is more than out of my league. It’s nearly impossible I would ever end up with this person because he’s of the “Hollywood” variety, and I’m here in little ole’ Oklahoma. With a little snooping of my online presence, anyone can probably figure out who this gentleman is. For the sake of the story’s integrity and on the off-off-off chance it ends up this his hands, we’re going to call him, Jim Halpert (an “Office” reference for those in the dark).

Four years ago, I stumbled upon a show Jim starred in via Netflix. Not only did it become one of my favorite shows, but I grew to like Jim both in and out of his work. He was simply 100% genuine. Hilarious! He’s extremely funny, and humor is one of the key things I look for in a mate. Not only is he talented with his timing, and delivery in his performances, he’s witty and quick off-screen. Jim is highly intelligent. He’s a founder of his own company and is a conversationalist at heart. Whether the topic is current events, science, arts he can hold his own and sound incredibly articulate. I always get asked if “looks” is something I value. Sure, Jim has a towering stature, George Clooney smile, and Leonardo Decaprio eyes, but honestly, looks aren’t really an attribute I consider. I’m more attracted to someone’s overall perspective, intellect, and most importantly their “heart” (more Disney cheese). Jim has shown he’s immensely kind. When he’s at a stage door for one of his shows, he won’t stop signing/taking pictures until everyone single person has a signature or photo. He’ll engage with young children who look up to him as a role model and light up their whole day, month, possibly life. There’s a sense of security with his compassion and generosity.

Reading this I might sound like another teenage “Belieber” type, screaming to the top of her lungs, “MARRY ME, JIM!” But I’m realistic. As my friend would say, “he’s here *raises one hand high in the air* and you’re here *places the other hand significantly lower than the other.* I’m not suffering from delusions or foolish ideas. I ground myself in humility and reality. After all, I didn’t join the Television and Film world to marry a Mr. Hollywood, I did it to tell the stories of others and my own personal stories.

I did think I had a chance for a second. I had applied for a job at a company Jim had just collaborated with. I was really close to getting a solid job offer, interview process started off with a good rapport. I was picturing myself getting the job, working my way through the ranks, and then eventually moving to New York to work in the video production arena. He’d make his return to New York, collaborate with the company once more and we’d have our fateful meeting. Life doesn’t work like that. Life’s not a screenplay I write or one of the many TV shows I watch.

At the end of all this, I may be just a girl in lust, not love. Will I ever stop dreaming of love? No, because I’m the type of person that wants something bad enough I will pursue it until I’ve exhausted all my resources. I will find love someday, and if Jim turns out to be Mr. Right, that’s just the lifelong gift I’ll never take for granted.


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