For those of you who know me really well, you know I have a pattern. It’s been a pattern since I could remember. Yes, I fall for a certain archetype (we established this). But recently, I’ve noticed a difference in my perspective, and it’s this beautiful thing called “not giving a f*ck. (I really need to find that book with that in the title!) Let me clarify, I’m not saying to designate the rest of the world as wrong, and yours is the only opinion that’s right. For me, it was the realization that I don’t need the validation of others to go after what I want.
Let’s go back to a short while ago when I had a crush on a certain television personality that’s going to remain nameless. The one thing that aggravated me the most about that time period was I spent most of it justifying myself and my sanity. I was labeled as a “stalker, crazy, insane, ludicrous…” and had in-depth discussions on how it would never happen. I lost my own voice. People we’re valuing me and saying “HE’S UP HERE *ONE HAND RAISED HIGH* AND YOU’RE DOWN HERE *OTHER HAND PLACED CLOSER TO THE GROUND.” They were demeaning my feelings to a scale. What’s worse is that they didn’t understand my feelings towards him. To them, it was all about status and basically, I fell in love with a lifestyle, not a person. Which could not be further from the truth. Fast-forward to now. I didn’t get over this crush because I was forced to. I learned for myself the reasons why it would not work out. Not because of societal barriers between us, but because we had different tastes.
I have since fallen for someone who I’ve fallen for before, and I’m hearing the same things I heard in my past – “you’re crazy. You’re stalking. You’re nothing but a fan-girl.” The difference is this time around, I learned not to give a single f*ck. It’s not because I’m blocking their “reality” or because I’m not hearing that they “want to protect me.” First of all, let’s get this straight – this man I’ve fallen for, IS A LIVING, BREATHING, HUMAN BEING, just like you and me. I’m not the one celebritizing him, YOU ARE. I note the fact he’s an artist, and he has a different occupation than I do, but HE’S FIRST AND FOREMOST A HUMAN BEING. Second, I’m not putting someone on a pedestal. There are many people out there who do glorify someone’s status and actually put these people in harm’s way. I’m not a stalker, and therefore would appreciate not being called one from here on out. Anyway, back to the point of not caring. It’s a beautiful thing. Sometimes, the people closest to you, they support and love you, but they might not understand everything about you. If someone who makes your heart happy takes a second out of their day to put a smile on your face and brings you joy, why should you attach their negative energy to that?
To anyone who’s being doubted or hated on because of their dreams, hobbies, interests, or passions don’t buy it. There are those people who will ground you to grasp reality, but then there are those who will crush your spirits because they have too little of faith to believe in their own dreams. My pastor said a sentence that stuck with me this week – don’t starve your soul. If you like something – GO AFTER IT. Just because they feel the need to break others down to empower themselves, doesn’t mean you are worth any less. In fact, it makes their worth depreciate. So, breathe in, breathe out and start living life with this beautiful thing we call – not giving a f*ck.
**Special shout outs to Vanessa K. and Tessa B. for listening to my nonsense and reminding me the importance of my own voice. Thank you for letting me know I’m french press, he’s espresso, and thank you for unleashing my unicorn. I love you gals.
Also thank you to Jane S. for dining with me the other night and allowing me to freely talk about my feelings. It’s rare someone allows me to speak so freely like so that you for your generous and open and heart, and thank for being such an awesome friend.