Rejection. It’s hard not to take personally, and it’s hard not to be marked a b*tch or son of a b*tch for doing the actual rejection. But Gopal is correct. Rejection doesn’t have to be negative. Rejection can save us from a lot of physical, mental and emotional pain.
Rejection and Work
Right after college, I was unemployed and went after several job openings which most of them didn’t end up working out. I would get the typical boilerplate email saying, “thank you for applying, unfortunately, we went with someone else more suited for this position, etc.” I would even get that same message but over the phone. To be honest it hurt. Being unemployed, hearing these nos, it does something to one’s psyche. But if I had gotten those jobs would I have been happy? Probably not. I would have dreaded coming to work every day, and that would have completely affected my work performance.
Same goes for me giving the no in a job scenario. As most of you know my BroadwayHD story I was going to potentially uproot my life and live thousands of miles away from my family. I knew if I went further into the interview process if I had actually received a job offer, I would be struggling right now. I’d be wondering where the money for rent would come from because the stated salary would only cover the bills that would follow me. Not to mention all the expenses that come with relocating. It hurt but it taught me that timing is a tricky thing we’ll never understand. But bigger more awesome things are gonna happen, and I have total faith that my career breakthrough will happen.
I’ve pretty much been marked a social pariah and prude for not dating. Which still baffles me. Friends to this day pressure me into giving online dating/apps a chance or they want to set me up with one of their boyfriends’ brothers/friends. Listen Y’all let’s put aside the fact that I have a well-known archetype. Me saying no has nothing to do with the fact of who the guys are. Allow me to demonstrate a theory Matt Hussey calls: the bridge.
Two people stand on opposite sides of the bridge. One of these people could have everything the other person hopes and dreams for. But if that person doesn’t feel attracted or invested, no one’s crossing that bridge.
I know what giving these guys a chance means. Going to dinner or some other staged outing. Me not being completely present, because I’ve been set up and not having a wonderful time because my heart is not in it. Y’all I’m just too old to be dating around (I know, I know I’m only 27, blah blah blah). But it should be my choice if I decide to date someone, not because I was figuratively gagged and tied down to do so. It’s the 21st century, a grown ass woman can call her own shots.
Own Your Yeses and Nos
Whether it’s love, work, or even a social night out, Gopal’s right we should own our Yeses and nos. Don’t feel pressured just because your inner circle says you should do something. They may be close and know you really well, but only YOU can determine whether something is truly right for you or not. “It’s only by saying ‘no’ that you can concentrate on what’s really important.” – Steve Jobs